It's Like Christmas Morning Every Month...

YAY!

sooo.. this statement rings true to any sexually active female out there.... I think that a good ole pregnancy scare actually makes your period that much more enjoyable (why do I always have these.. paranoid.. maybe).. you don't mind the cramps (better then labor pains) you don't mind the period panties(so classy) and you deff don't mind the hemorrhaging... all that worry from the week before makes your period so much easier to deal with and actually makes it a very welcomed visitor. I don't really know what I will be like on that god forsaken day I wake up and realize holynut sack I am f'ed... maybe it will be a good day (score I knew that bathroom big Ben dragged me into was like a fertility statute) or it will be the scariest day of my life prob going to be a bit of both… none the less.. that’s what’s on my mind, that and the choco-taco I will be eating for dinner tonight to quell these chocolate cravings…

I can actually hear my
ass getting bigger...

I AM AN AMERICAN!!!

This is me and my new car...
that I can't afford
to put gas in....

Soooo… I officially feel like an American, I just got a new car (Volvo bitch) moved into a new place and racked the credit card up with new clothes..(yah know you gotta look fly on the job) and now I have been laid off (if only I had just been laid.. things would be better) so yes now with mounting bills and a depleting bank account I am officially a causality of the economic climate (were not sub-tropic any more MD its just sub-fucked). So I have gone through every ad in the Washington post, indeed.com and other local websites applied for jobs I am way over qualified for ( welcome to Wal-Mart may be my new saying) and for jobs I have no experience in (applying to jobs is a numbers game, I throw enough paper at it something will happen right.. ahhhh…) and still nothing has happened. I feel like I am stuck in this ever churning whirl pool of f’ery with no end in site.

Is this suppose to be inspirational…
if so I want that guys old job…cuz he blows at it

I have a bachelors degree (which is just as useful to put on your resume as your favorite color) 3 plus years of admin assistant (yah I am good at being someone’s bitch) and other various volunteer projects and yet I am as marketable to companies as a 1 legged dog. I am competing for jobs with people who have 10+ years in the field or people who said fuck it 3 years ago and got a masters degree in their field and am told by HR to just keep trying.

It’s really a loose loose situation, even the good ole boy systems of getting a job through a friend isn’t working because everyone who has a job has 5 friends in need of a job. I just really do not know what to do, like many recent grads I will prob go back to slinging drinks to other people who have lost their jobs, and passing out my resume to every one at the bar (here’s your beer, and my resume do with it what you will..) but it really just doesn’t seem fair, my friends who didn’t even try to go to college (yah we all thought you were slackers.. look who's laughing now) have great jobs and here I am an honor student with nothing to show for it but bills. I thought going to college guaranteed you a job when you got out… it took me 9 months just to find the job I just got laid off from and now I have to wait another 9 months to find another meaningless job that has

nothing to do with my education or even interests… (WTF WORLD) I keep trying to tell myself everything happens for a reason, but what if the only reason that this happened was just to show me how messed up my life is.. or why I should have watched what I ate and just became a stripper ( titties are always in high demand) honestly it’s looking bleak out there. Not that I would wish bad on anyone else I just would hope that others are going through what I am right now (misery loves company). If anything this should serve as a cautionary tale to those still in school or even those working, nothing in this world is for sure so always have backups, and be prepared for the worst.

You have to be shitting me....

Ok I am all about religious freedom (kinda what our country was founded on) but I am not for ignorance or over all dumbassness… the fact that an Islamic center is going up in NY is great, a place for Muslims to gather, keep more kids off the streets and maybe even help non-Muslims warm up to Muslims
(umm… hey I like your head wrap…?) But the fact that it is only blocks away from the former world trade center is not cool at all. I don’t know who on the NY planning and zoning let this even get this far but they should be fired (was it let an insensitive jack ass run the office day). Lets’ just rubb salt into a still very open wound, and make people who lost loved ones uncomfortable.. yah that just down right evil. Why would Muslims even want that there… (yah let’s put it next to a place that our people leveled and killed thousands.. that will get people to like us) Why don’t we just have a Japanese American memorial put up in Pearl Harbor or have a Hitler statue right next to a Jewish community center they make about as much sense as this. Come on people why would you even start this, you know everyone either hates, dislikes or is scared by you and you want to place a Muslim center next to the worst US tragedy ever…. You are f’ing stupid… I rally hope and kinda know that this will not happen. I hope people see that this is not about religion this is about respect and just over all common sense…

http://www.jpost.com/International/Article.aspx?id=183845

Get some money...

Trying to find a job in this economy sucks so before you decided to hook it up or become a black market organ dealer here are a few good sites and some tips to help you land your dream job!

Tip 1: Make the resume the shitz..

Make your resume stand out, add sleek professional boarders or lines to your first page of your resume. Keep your resume short and sweet and use buzz words (logistical support, procurement of supplies, coordination, basically write you resume on word then use the useful synonyms button to use bigger words) associated with the job.

Keep your resume short and sweet and under 2 pages preferably (it varies depending on how old you are and how many jobs you have had). Make sure if you have a second page to keep your name, address and phone number on the top in case the pages get separated the reviewer knows which page goes with which.

Tailor each resume you send out to that particular job. Beef up the areas of previous work the coincided with duties that would be preformed in the job you are looking for. (don’t forget employers lie to you about what they can offer, so it’s ok to fudge a little in your descriptions of previous job duties)

Tip 2: Cover it up…
Cover letters are great they give the reviewer a better sense of who you are and give you a place to explain in greater detail responsibilities held in other positions. It also gives you a place to talk about extra circular activities you may be involved in and what you are looking for in a job (I want to do minimal work and get paid big bucks .. prob not a good idea)

Tip 3: Just Googel it
When applying for jobs Google the position name and see what other jobs come up. This way you can see other job listings with descriptions of duties to be performed and you can incorporate them in to your resume.
Googel the place you want to work for, if you want to work with beer just go to the Budweiser site and look for careers. Also don’t be afraid to ask people who have jobs you would like how they got their job.

Tip 4: Look classy
It amazes me how some people “dress up” if you are unsure of your fashion sense crosscheck it with your friends (well if you dress like shit your friends prob do too) or go online and see what “Professional clothing looks like” don’t wear stuff that looks cheap because then you look cheap (i.e floral prints from walmart) and wash your damn hair.

Tip5: Be a kiss ass…
Always send a follow up letter to your reviewer specifically, thanking them for the time they spent to interview you and for the opportunity to be consider for that position. Even if you don’t get the job they are more likely to remember you when you apply for another position. It also shows follow through and that you are someone who does work and is appreciative




Craigs list
http://smd.craigslist.org/jjj/

Monster
http://home.monster.com/

Indeed.com
http://www.indeed.com/

USA Jobs
http://www.usajobs.opm.gov/

Somd.com
http://www.somd.com/

Washington post
http://www.blogger.com/goog_1096192912

1885194186
 

No... that's what I waited for... let down...

It's funny cause it's true..
wait... what?

Is that necessary really…

Let me just throw this out there sex is great, those who have sex, lots of it (I <3 hoes) know what I am talking about. It is idolized in our culture, everyone is expected to give it up on prom night, or to your first bf in the back of his hoopty (you drive a civic.. oh my panties fell off) or even just your first love. Yet even with all the propaganda and expectations set on teens to do the dirty in high school (better get good at it before college) some people out there still hold fast to the archaic 1930’s view that sex should be saved for the one you marry. I am all about only giving it up to people you are in love with (what I fall in love a lot), but honestly hold off on it all together? Here is my prob with that, when and if I ever get married ( to my

she had it right

billionaire with a foot in the grave and hand on his wallet) I think I would want to know everything there is to know about that person including what is in the neither region. I would not want my wedding night to be awkward and scary and filled with a potentially horrid surprise, I mean your exhausted from the days activities (well for a virgin all that non-dancing and drinking of grape juice) you prob are sweaty as all hell from the formal wear and now you have to get down to it? *SPOILER ALERT* your first time is not all that great, you feel awkward you don’t know what to do you are left with this sense of that’s it, and it can really hurt for girls and guys (a virgin is tighter then White House security) and this is what you want to go through on the happiest day of your life? What if you get into bed with the dude and realize he has the smallest penis on earth (well I guess you wouldn’t have anything to reference it to but you prob would still be like wtf) or what if it is the biggest thing you have ever seen

 (GODZILLA run for the hills..what Khloe Kardashian prob thought the first time Lamar wiped it out) and now you are stuck with an amputee or seabiscuit over there? No that’s not what you want, even if you are of this school of thought you should be able to get down with it while you are engaged I mean you’re almost there. This way your wedding night can be fun and you don’t have all that stress about performing on your mind. Sex whether christian conservatives believe it or not is a big part of the relationship and is about a lot more then making more little church goers. It’s about intimacy being able to be that comfortable with someone (not just comfortable enough to poop in front of them) that you can get buck naked and be put into positions that accentuate your fupa roll, makes your ass look big, and god knows what else epic adventures you get into. None the less its about bonding and love not just procreation, if you look at it that way I can only imagine the sex you have very utilitarian and cold (like Darth Vader banging out Ben Stein). Sex is natural prob one of the mist natural things we as humans do.. well next to killing one another and to hide yourself from such a great thing for god knows what reason is not necessarily a good thing, not to mention you are looked at pretty funny when you blurt out on your 21 birthday that you have never been laid.

Save the awkward moment for someone you prob won’t ever see again and the good stuff for your husband!

Facebook you get me into more trouble then vodka...

Wtf…so my mom calls me at WORK (like I don’t listen to you bitch enough outside of work) to yell at me about what SOMEONE ELSE wrote on my wall… like I have any control over it (yah I am not a creeper who deletes wall posts). Which then led me to delete all persons related to me (apparently my family members get offended by things I say.. surprise surprise…) friends parents (who I only added because they asked and I felt bad) and any one over the age of 40… I can still remember the first run in I had with facebook when a dude at the bar asked “I like the way you pop you collar are you on facebook?” (ok in 2005 the double polo pooped collar look was so in) Yep those were the good ole days of facebook when only people from college could be on it (and when Farmville didn’t rule the world)

umm.. yum?

and share info about house parties and going on’s on campus… It was a utopia of stalking… the cute guy in soc. class, the biznatch that lives across the hall, the shady dude who buys you beer, and other people of interest in school were just a quick search away. Then it was opened up to everyone, sure the majority of people were just people whom didn’t have a college e-mail but were none the less peers utilizing this social network for analogous reason as I. Then the facebook gods unleashed this untamed beast to all… soon everyone’s facebook was inundated with friends request from grandma, my friends stalker mom (you know the one who made their kid call from the land line because they didn’t believe where you were.. that wasn’t easy to get around) my moms friends, down to old creepy dudes with messages reading “hey I’m new to town want to hang out?” I seriously contemplated deleting my account on several occasions such as when the relationship status .changed and the x got pissed, when I accidently deleted a friend which led to a real friend deletion from life (it’s not legit until it’s on facebook) to this incident involving my mother.. so I am stupid for adding her to begin with but honestly is any place safe to talk to your friends? Before when you wrote in your diary slamming your rents and talking about your first kiss(so 1994) all you had to protect this adverse information was the dinky 50 cent lock which gave you a complete sense

I love ponys... and writting hatefull things..

of false security, now you have a electronic hacker proof password with symbols, numbers, and letters that you rotate every week (paranoid.. no way) and you still are not safe. Employers stalk your facebook, moms stalk facebook, law enforcement stalks facebook, grandma stalks facebook… so really the only safe place to talk to anyone now is face to face (so 1950) and who wants to do that when you can hide behind the faceless computer screen. I just don’t understand how something so harmless can turn into such a big deal, why are people so f’ing sensitive anymore, and are sensitive to things that don’t even directly effect them. There are way worse things on the internet then my friends post about “hey are we getting some p in our v’s tonight or what” no one is forcing you to read my wall posts no more then they are forcing you to get on rotten.com (uber nasty.. but interesting to say the least). How me and my friends talk is more then likely offensive to over half of the worlds population ( what up skank whore not much whoreface…)but who cares.. it’s not about you, we are not screaming it into your face and if we are not concerned with what we say to each other then why should you be? It’s just words people… words that have nothing do with you!! I use to see a shirt all the time at concerts (when I use to go them and not mind having other peoples sweat rubbed all over me) that said “if it’s too loud your too old” I am going to change it around and make a new shirt that reads “ if it’s to offensive then your just to old” facebook ruins lives and yet it’s a harder addiction to break then crack

(Hi my names Jim and I am addicted to facebook)

but facebook also comes with some great pros like connecting with friends you haven’t seen for awhile, seeing pictures of your friends vaca’s, sharing birthday well wishes down to making fun of emo kids cry baby posts. But with all that good is it really outweighing the bad or the dark side of facebook? I don’t know you tell me…. I guess much like every one navigated away from myspace as will we navigate away from facebook on to greener safer pastures free from farmville and parents.